Back in the Saddle

I can't believe how long it's been since I've posted to this blog - I guess I've had a few other things on my mind, like you know, having a baby. But I had to stop by and share one small snippet of fun that occurred the other night...

So, I'm back at work full time, and I was on the desk Monday night. Two kids walked up - I would guess them to be in 4th or 5th grade - a boy and a girl. The boy asks me
"Do you have any books about Slash? Ummm, he's like a guitar player..." I started laughing and said, "yeah, I know who Slash is, I saw him on his first tour with Guns n' Roses in 1988" The kid looks at me and says "REALLY??!!???!???"

I think I witnessed his brain explode.

Then the girl asked me, "Do you have any books about Tom Morello?" She watched as I typed "Rage against the machine" into my catalog - and she said in amazement "YOU know who TOM MORELLO is...?" in a snotty pre-teen voice, and I laughed and said, of course I know who he is.

Another brain exploded. I felt like Obi-wan Kenobi, Jedi Master. Then I told them, if you like Rage, you should listen to TOOL. She asked me if I thought KISS was an overrated band. I said yes - if you are listening to Slash and to Rage, then KISS is way overrated talent-wise.

Both of them walked away in stunned amazement. It's always a good feeling to blow a mind or two. And thus, I've formally earned my title as "The Metalhead Librarian".

Peace.

Headspace

Oh, it's almost 4am, and I'm wide awake. I had a fabulous, relaxing weekend - got a lot done, got nothing done - my agenda was loose and free form. The past two days at work, however, have got me worked up again -it exhausts me by 10:00pm, and wakens me at 3am, thinking about it.

I am looking forward, quite forward, to relaxing into my new job. The past few months have been a bit overwhelming. I'm trying to manifest the zen - the grace - into this endeavor. I think I am good at taking responsibility and making sure things are communicated to staff, but so far, I haven't had a real chance to strategize and prioritize my vision - which almost seems like a non zen-like thing to do - but it helps me get things out of my head and onto paper, holds things together. The technique has never failed my true intentions...

We had our ultrasound yesterday. What a fabulous experience it was! We watched our baby girl moving her hands and feet, opening her mouth. I'm only at 18 weeks - although I can hardly remember what it feels like not to be pregnant - and she looked well formed, healthy, and thriving. What a relief! Husband seems very happy, excited, protective.

Sleepy now, I feel better.

Perking up

7 days of work behind me, I'm in the homestretch towards my coveted and much needed three-day weekend - WOOHOO! Finally - I'll get to putter around my big new house and yard, unpack and get more organized (still trying to find our tax stuff - I know it's in there somewhere!) and maybe plant some flowers to dress up the yard. I'm going to cook, eat, shop (look out Home Depot!) and rock out to loud music all weekend long.

Maybe I'll be able to get back in touch with the girl I used to know and leave behind the cranky old lady I've become. Maybe I'll start feeling creative. Maybe I'll get 8 hours of good sleep. Maybe the flowers I plant will look stunning. Maybe I'll get so much done I'll amaze myself...

Ahhh - the possibilities, the potential of the weekend - glimmering before me like a stretch of sand along a beautiful beach. Let's go for a stroll....

Where am I ????

I'm actually in mourning, that's where. These past couple of months have been stressful and I'm missing my old life where I only worked 5 days a week, I could ponder my future with hope and enthusiasm, and I could sleep a full night without waking up in a cold sweat, worrying about stuff. My "to do" list is a mile and a half long, responsibility is weighing heavy on my shoulders, and I'll be going through the equivalent of a train wreck in 5 months when the baby arrives - and yet I can't have a crisis, because it seems that everyone around me is busy having theirs...someone has to mind the house and the store, so to speak, and thats me. No one seems to even notice.

Ummm, can I get a refund on this one way ticket?

Sorry to bitch about it. Who would have thought that Good Fortune could be so stressful?

And yet, I have faith that the Universe will guide me towards happiness and prosperity. I guess I've just got to muck through it until...well, at least until my next day off (two down, five more to go). I'm trying to find inspiration - somewhere, to keep me going until then...

The Proust Questionaire

what do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? IGNORANCE
where would you most like to live? South of France
what is your idea of earthly happiness? Good food, lots of sleep, sunshine, affection
to what faults do feel most indulgent? my curiosity and my lack of focus at times
who are your favorite heroes of fiction? Don't read much fiction, but The Vampire Lestat had it going on.
who are your favorite characters in history? Eleanor of Aquitaine, Peter Abelard
who are your favorite heroes in real life? My mom and my husband.
who are your favorite heroines of fiction? Morgaine from The Mists of Avalon
your favorite painter? Boticelli, Leonardo, Klimt
your favorite musician? Mr. Keenan
the quality you most admire in a man? Courage and honor and affection
the quality you most admire in a woman? Straight talk and fearlessness and compassion
your favorite virtue? Empathy
your favorite occupation? Librarian, of course. I'm living the Dream!
who would you have liked to be? No one but myself. Maybe a rock star, maybe a veterinarian, but still me.

your most marked characteristic? My ability to reason, good common sense, tolerance
what do you most value in your friends? being low maintenance and understanding
what is your principle defect? impatience
what to your mind would be the greatest of misfortunes? the loss of my eyesight
who are your favorite prose writers? Annie Dillard, Joan Didion
who are your favorite poets? Chaucer
what historical figures do you most despise? Bernard of Clairvaux, George W. Bush - both men of intolerance
what event in military history do you most admire? Invasion of Normandy
what natural gift would you most like to possess? I'd like to paint
how would you like to die? quietly in my sleep, with my kitty and a good book by my side. Sweet Dreams!
what is your motto? Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change

Serendipity

One of my favorite words, really.

Lately, I've felt serendipitous. Things are going well, life is moving along at a fair pace, good fortune seems to surround me. But, then why am I so anxious?

Two reasons, I believe. One, I'm not creating. Two, I am compassionate enough towards myself to understand that this is just one of those times in life that are naturally more stressful...a new job, new house, and news of a baby on the way, all within a three month period...yeah, I understand what it is. Things will mellow out, I'm confident.

Back to the first reason. These past few weeks, the Universe has been dropping me hints about delving back into the "stream" - of creativity, of sprituality, of vision. I go through these periods every so often where I am ready to expand my awareness. I think we all grow a bit every day, but for many of us holding down "day jobs" and all of the routine that goes with it - we become numb to our higher purpose. So, the title of a long-enjoyed book (The Artist's Way) came back full circle to me; an author I've been meaning to pick up and read again (Gary Zukov) was on Oprah; Jim got "The Celestine Prophecy" from Netflix. I read the book in 1994/5 and it was just one of those books that set me on my path - seeing the movie (though not as good as the book) reminded me of some of the Universal concepts of energy. Alas, another hint, whispered gently in my ear.

And then opportunity presents itself - and I'm suddenly blogging for a small, but appreciated audience - - ME! the repressed, full-of-reasons-why-not- writer. Suddenly, I feel more energized, motivated, willing to put it out there. Putting my thoughts on the metaphorical paper, even for a few minutes here and there, makes me feel that I'm at least doing SOMETHING. Something towards my future...

So yeah, serendipity. It's a good thing. Pay attention to the small coincidences and moments of serendipity, because they do lead you somewhere...to do SOMETHING.